About a year ago I had some trouble with my heart. I went to the doctor. They hooked me up to some monitors...things attached to my chest recording activity all day.
You see, my hear skipped beats. I felt it. It skipped beats at random moments. Just like I was in love...it skipped like someone scared me. But I knew what was coming all the time.
So the cardiologist read the monitor and said it was inconclusive. She said that I what I probably have is called "cardiac awareness"
It means that I can feel my heart. It means that my heart is the same as everyone else, except that I FEEL mine more.
From what I understand, our heart can skip a beat and continue on as if nothing happened. Sometimes our heart beats in our chest and for no reason, all of a sudden, you can feel it.
This awareness, it can be alarming...and sometimes it even feels like I am wearing my heart on my sleeve. Which, if I look at my life in retrospect, maybe this is all fitting and metaphorical.
In reality, I prefer to simply live...and love...and not worry about those moments of self awareness/heart awareness and how that might affect me. For as much as I feel and strive for personal transparency, the ebb and flow of life will always cause the momentary skip of a beat.