Tuesday, September 28, 2004


I was speaking to a good friend, a short while ago, about relationships. She is in the process of a very painful break up and break off of an engagement, and six year relationship. Her story is not unlike others I’ve heard throughout the years. The details of this specific relationship aren’t particularly relevant, however, one major aspect sticks out to me the most.

Throughout their long history as a couple, one thing remained pretty constant between them. They may have struggled together. They may have doubted. They may have made wrong turns, but when it came to the core of who they were, they remained honest with one another. I know that my friend would not have stayed in the relationship if she doubted the level of honesty. Yet in the end, that is what crumbled first. Which brings me to my moment of pondering and questioning.

How is it, that relationships can begin and continue with complete honesty among individuals, but when it nears an ending, the honesty stops? In these situations, I am always amazed how people rationalize why honesty is not important anymore. In general, I wonder how lying suddenly becomes more important, and what this sudden change is a result of. In all, I just feel deeply sorry for the people involved, knowing that a heart really does break at such moments.

I guess what I’m saying in an indirect way, is that I value honesty over any other version of the truth. And I know that I can only control my own actions and words, and so I strive to be the most honest person I can be. However, there is a part of me that would like to empower (at the very least) people to be honest with me (and others). And maybe I’ve learned the hard way, but the pain involved in a lack of honesty is harder for me, than facing the truth.

Sure, I’ve been played for a fool, and believed all there was to believe in another person. I’ve trusted people completely, and was stunned when I found out I had been “had.” Yet, there has been no point that I would change any of it. And I am not a martyr. I am just a girl who believes in the power of forgiveness.

My friend struggles now with how to pick up and live life a different way. She struggles how to move on and hopefully love again. But the real blow for her is to believe in her heart again, because she never stopped being honest with herself or her partner.

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